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Maholochi - giving you roots so you can grow wings.  My aim is to help and inspire you to quit bad habits or behaviour and move forward to a free, happy and healthy mind and body.

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Volunteerism, White Saviours and Child Sponsorship ??? a few thoughts.

Posted on 30 September, 2016 at 5:40 Comments comments (0)


Photo from funnyjunk.com - thankyou.

I’ve been thinking lately: How do I decide how to help children needing help. From vigorous research and observations of charitable organisations I have concluded that child sponsorship adverts may distort our image of developing countries and perpetuate many negative stereotypes. Children are often depicted in deprivation and degradation, with passive parents that are unable to provide or cope. Mostly, all I have found through researching is a photo of one ‘poor’ helpless child or family and never given any explanations of the causes of their poverty.

 

I’ve watched numerous videos on YouTube and feel that often the narrators phone captured video and description describes how ‘poor’ the people in the area are.

 

This makes me feel really uncomfortable.

 

Uncomfortable because to those people who are living in the ‘poor’ area this could be seen as completely labelling that community. A community that is generally a close knit group of people that live and work together and are happy. ‘Poor’ by label is subjective by those living ordinarily in the western world.

 

It strikes me that whilst in the western world there is a call for returning to nature and teaching our children about the world, naming our youth as suffering from nature deficit disorder; the very people that are being labelled as ‘poor’ are already living that existence, with children growing up surrounded by a community of all ages, learning to care for young and old alike, naturally learning respect and taking responsibility for duties. Now do not misread my thoughts as thinking developing countries are in a better position than the western world, this is all about perception of what constitutes needing help. I am horror struck by stories of child labour, abuses of all types, lack of the basic Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, lack of food and water and of course, the destruction following natural disasters.

 

Through my research I have found that the Philippines (and other countries) for example receive a tremendous amount of financial support from the World Bank, targeting low income families and encouraging health care, education and other positive support. (Details here: http://www.worldbank.org/en/news/press-release/2016/02/19/world-bank-approves-new-funding-for-philippines-social-safety-net ). This support has been delivered over the past few years and something I knew nothing about until digging through the internet. From what I have researched, it appears there are many kind hearted ‘non poor’ people in the Philippines who try to organise and help those less fortunate, it just makes me wonder where the huge amount of CCG’s are distributed; the same selfie culture appears to exist within these people whilst continuing to live a ‘non poor’ lifestyle. I suppose it’s the same in any country really and I do not have the answers.

 

It also strikes me that those who volunteer and set off to do some voluntary work (having raised a large sum of sponsorship money for the charity/organisation planning the trip), whether building a school or teaching some English is actually beneficial to the local community within the wider picture. Are those involved in building work essentially taking paid work away from the local people? Would teaching be better taught by providing training (and therefore a job) for a local person? Again, I feel uncomfortable about these differing thoughts – is the best way to support a community by providing training and finances so they can look after their own? Do we as Westerners feel we are simply more adept at delivering a service than those who live and work in their own country and community? I guess there are two sides to the story on this one, the rise on Instagram of white saviour Barbie highlights the selfie taking ethos of many people, yet inside they believe they are doing good and having an experience. But… and this is a hard one: would it be better both environmentally and local community wise, to raise vast sums of money to set up or support something within the UK? Why do we feel compelled to travel thousands of miles (leaving large carbon footprints) and project our heroic western ideals on communities in person?

 

The rise of the term ‘voluntourism’ and ‘white saviour’ complex is getting a lot of attention lately, particularly following the rise in funds derived from gap year (or similar) people wanting to go and do some good in developing countries. Whilst the fact that through media communications the availability of information about horrors in the world is inspiring, I do think personal and individual thought considering whether it is ethically appropriate to be placing our westernised ways on cultures that were ok before. This opens up a huge can of thoughts and feelings within me.

 

I had been speaking to a local school about setting up a pen pal type scheme with a school in a developing country, purely for the thought that it would provide a good English exchange learning experience (through letter writing) and to enable English children to learn about education in a different country, with a possibility of fund raising events and awareness; this led me to start thinking (dangerous) about how to help children that really need help – anywhere. At this point in time, I have become confused. Why? Well, from spending a few days reading different articles, I am inclined to think that by a simple action, or by taking it further with fundraising or sponsorship of a child, the chosen few may receive extra food, education, clothes, medical treatment and gifts which others do not. Brothers, sisters or other families may become jealous. And parents can feel humiliated because outsiders are providing things which they cannot – or frustrated that only one of their children receives help, I know I would feel terrible if I was singled out as a person that couldn’t provide for my family and was plastered over leaflets and advertising media, suggesting I needed help.

 

The child who is sponsored is constantly reminded that they are the ‘poor’ relation, having to show gratitude to the westerners on whose charity they depend.

 

The exchange between child and sponsor could be culturally insensitive to the child’s way of life. Children may know nothing about Christmas, say, but find themselves encouraged to send Christmas cards. Imagine you were a Christian and a wealthy Arab sponsored your child and sent them presents and pictures of their sumptuous lifestyle along with a copy of the Koran to read. (this is an example and absolutely no disrespect to any religion intended, similar to missionaries being sent to Africa to spread the news).

 

Programmes which give education to individual children can isolate them from family and friends. They are educated to uselessness, unable to obtain well-paid white-collar work in their own towns or village and unwilling to do low paid ‘menial’ labour. As adults they either remain at home dissatisfied, or take their skills further afield, away from the community that needs them.

 

Child sponsorship programmes can create unfulfillable desires and expectations. A child who learns of a sponsor’s large house and reads about their skiing holidays or big cars can become dissatisfied with his or her own community and want to be taken away to that affluent world.

 

Therefore, I am concluding my thoughts with how to limit cultural confusion, frustrated desires, inequality, educational aspirations and similar thoughts. I don’t have an answer. The world is a vast and huge place, yet mostly accessible for those with the time and the money to travel rather than those who don’t. I am a firm believer in altruism that is personal and non-self-serving, yet to try to bring this into an educational and positive focus is appearing difficult.

Bailey 2014 www.maholochi.com

Infidelity: If it happens to you

Posted on 30 September, 2016 at 5:40 Comments comments (0)

Infidelity

If it happens to you…

 

What is it that keeps us in fear of truth? The constant ignoring of that feeling in your gut, of telling ourselves that certain details don’t matter? Of not trusting our instinct when faced with subtle changes. Could it be that by not responding to our gut instinct we are keeping ourselves safe from what we already know; is it really ignorance or is it a sort of kindness that we give to ourselves in order to protect our heart? A part of us, the cognitive dissonance part, tells us to put off knowing until we’re stronger or until after a certain date. We tell ourselves that we aren’t ready yet, we say don’t let this be happening to me, how is this happening and, of course, the big question: Why?

 

More on Why later.

 

I can only write this from my own experience.

 

When or if, it happens to you, you will be shocked and surprised. That thing they say about how you knew all the time but weren’t recognising it. That may be true, but none the less, there you will be. You will feel like you have been kicked in the stomach, that your insides have separated and you don’t know how you are still physically standing.

 

You may not cry at first. I didn’t. You may wonder why you don’t cry and you may even feel like there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. It won’t be the last time you think there is something wrong with you. I repeat, there is nothing wrong with you. You will search frantically for a reason why your partner would choose someone else over you. You will tell yourself it’s because you are ugly, unlovable, too old or too young, every negative thought about yourself will cloud your mind. None are true, remember that.

 

If you have children, you may struggle to explain why their parent violated the relationship by becoming involved with another person, it’s nearly impossible to do this because you don’t actually understand yourself. Your children will feel that it is their fault and although you do your best to assure them it isn’t (and it isn’t), you will still wonder whether being a good parent was in fact too much for your partner; that providing a safe, secure, supportive and stable base wasn’t exciting enough. It was and it is.

 

The history that you have built with your partner will flash through your mind, holidays, experiences, sharing the birth of children and a whole range of memories will grip your guts even further.

 

When realisation happens and a confrontation takes place, your partner will also be confused. Whilst you need to ask questions and look for a sliver of reassurance, trying to understand why and how they could, they will be looking for reasons themselves, particularly if they didn’t expect you to find out and the other person meant nothing. Your partner may appear as confused as you, they may verbally lash out and say things that have no relevance but push the hurt even deeper.

 

You will look at your life and try to calm yourself by saying that there are worse things, you and your family are physically healthy, things could be worse.

 

However, betrayal whether emotional or physical infidelity, hurts. It consumes you. Your heart will fragment, it won’t listen to reason; all of the wisdom and experience you have accumulated up to that point in all the years leading to this event, will never prepare you. You will ask for details and you may reluctantly be given them. You will want to know more, every little detail that you can glean. Whilst this at the time feels good, it will lodge in your brain and haunt you. You will want to know who she is – though often that instinct you had for a while will have already told you – and you will be trying to understand just how they found the other person attractive.

 

And then, suddenly, you will cry. A lot. Until you think you will never stop crying. You may turn to your partner for comfort because they are the only one that knows the story. You may feel deep shame and embarrassment that you are in this position, one that you never asked for and be unable to speak to anyone for fear of judgement.

 

You will eventually stop crying and you may find that depression kicks in during the first month after discovery. You may find yourself on a downward spiral of negative activities, smoking, drinking etc. This will pass because you are strong. You may go to therapy and, if you find a good therapist, this can help – particularly if you need to talk to someone who will actively listen and not judge, criticise or take sides. It’s hard to accept though because, in your mind, you felt that you had the perfect marriage or partnership, you were getting on with life and did not invite this in. Resentment will kick in and understandably so. The good marriage that you had will reveal itself to be a good marriage that you thought you had. You will miss what you thought you had.

 

To answer the Why question, well there is no actual why. All I can say is the nicest and kindest people are often the ones to get hurt. You have probably done nothing wrong at all, the choice for any involvement by your partner with someone else is down to them. They are the one who should be asking the Why question of themselves; looking internally to see why they felt insecurities or inadequacies that they explored. Ego is sometimes a cruel thing; I do not personally hold with that old saying of we hurt the ones we love the most. Every action is a deliberate action and one of choice.

 

The ‘other’ person is often using manipulative measures to get your partners attention, often through physical actions but also commonly by using emotional victim status, sucking in the person as a rescuer with little or no regard for their partner. These type of people in my opinion, have little to lose and everything to win; often when confronted stating that they were confused and depressed and didn’t mean any harm. Err, on this point I would say that anyone who is attempting to get close to a man or woman whilst knowing they are in a relationship, whether with or without children, are not to be trusted. Full stop.

 

Everyone’s experience is completely different. There appears to be a switch point between being able to accept emotional infidelity and physical infidelity; from a personal point of view I could not accept the physical, but everyone is unique in their feelings.

 

If you are reading this because your partner has been unfaithful either emotionally or physically, please realise that time does heal wounds eventually. The decision to work towards repair or to part is up to you, no one can advise you any differently, obviously your partners feelings for you come in to play here. Things can work out, it takes time and a whole lot of therapeutic talking to allow your brain to rest.

 

On trust, honesty and respect, well, this is a hard one, I am a firm believer that when any one of these is broken, the other two crumble automatically. Forever? Well who knows, changed behaviour and a strong commitment within set boundaries can form a base to work from and time will tell.

 

On forgiveness… it is said that forgiveness brings peace and I do kind of agree. If you and your partner are attempting to rebuild your lives together, you may find that you forgive them but hold a lot of anger for the other party. This is normal. You may find yourself using social media to watch that person. This is normal too BUT at this point I would suggest that you actually stop. Anything that you read, see or hear about them will keep stabbing at the old wound, picking a scab that hopefully doesn’t need reopening.

 

Remember that you are strong, you were strong before and you will be strong again. Sometimes this takes time, but using techniques you can get yourself back together in a stronger and more aware sense.

 

Always follow your gut instincts, I am a firm believer that ‘we do know before we know’ and looking after ourselves is the kindest thing, after all, your relationship with yourself is one that you will be in for the rest of your life, therefore, you need to be looking out for you.

 

That is all for today… If you need an appointment, contact me through the contact form on http://www.maholochi.com

Bailey 2016


Whats keeping you from feeling completely, totally and unapologetically worthy of love?

Posted on 30 September, 2016 at 5:20 Comments comments (0)


Do you feel unworthy of love and damage your relationship/s?

 

To many people, being loved is such a simple thing, yet there are also many (mainly) women who feel they don’t deserve it. Or that they may be deserving if they could just….

Just usually means: losing weight, wearing different clothes, having different hair, having different emotional habits – the list goes on and on. Yet, whenever goals for weight loss etc, are reached, that feeling deep inside still bubbles away, telling you that you are still unworthy or undeserving of love.

For me, gaining a good qualification or grade, losing weight and being a superstar mum, wife, worker and general wonder woman are key factors.

Do you find yourself asking why your partner would put up with all your foibles, your mood swings, lack of confidence or/and anxiety and depression? Do you internally make deals to cook a special meal, treat your partner to something special to make up for what you see as your un-loveable traits?

You see – the thing is – your partner is with you because they want to be. They don’t see you as un-loveable or unworthy. They love you just the way you are. But even though you tell yourself that you know this already, you probably still struggle with feeling worthy of love. That struggle with your inward voice can damage your relationship with your partner, your family and friends and even more importantly, with yourself.

Now, try thinking about this: people who live with a feeling of being worthy, appear to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to be who they are. Try and imagine that, actually letting go of the inward image you hold of how you should be, and putting your energy into who you really are. Many of my clients find this difficult, letting go undermines the ‘I’m not …’ and leaves a feeling of vulnerability – a fear of allowing ourselves to be really seen. Fear often surfaces when we are anxious about something that we cannot control. Yet, fear is also the basis of joy, creativity, belonging and love.

So let’s look at how we can embrace vulnerability in order to feel worthy.

1. To learn to believe that we are enough, reframing our thoughts into a positive.

2. To love with our whole hearts, even when there is no guarantee.

3. To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen.

4. To practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, reminding ourselves that the feeling of vulnerability means we are alive and have choices.

5. To learn to be purposeful with your thoughts.

I use the word purposeful a lot. I prefer it to mindfulness. Which doesn’t mean I don’t believe in mindfulness, it’s a very important tool, yet living in a purposeful way reminds us that every thought and action that we allow is one of choice, we can make a list of purposeful thoughts and things that we want to do in a day. In fact, the list making works very well, instead of being just aware of what is going around us in the moment, we can clearly see (and keep checking and bringing ourselves back) what our purpose is for the day. The list can have things in it such as: shopping, chores, remind myself that I am worthy of everything and can in fact accomplish anything. Every time those negative internal voices start screaming that we are too fat, too poor, too unattractive – and many others – just tell them that they are just thoughts and to stop. Give your ‘inner’ voice a name, this can be really purposeful – telling it in no uncertain terms to go away, a name gives a focus and awareness of the ‘bad’ voice. Try it for a day and see. Write a note to yourself to remind you to use the name and whatever expletives works best for you.

You know that feeling, like you’re being swept away in an emotional tsunami and you grasp onto any kind of rock for support. Unfortunately, the rocks we grasp onto when we’re upset are rarely ones of logic. Instead of sitting in vulnerability with our uncertainty, we adamantly protest that we are certain. The more vulnerable we are, the more we proclaim how certain we are.

This works in obvious ways for things like politics, religious, and philosophy. But it also works in our relationships.

Instead of sitting with the uncomfortable uncertainty of a relationship, try grasping onto something that you can make certain because by grasping adamantly onto that idea as certain, you will eventually make it so. If being able to sit with uncertainty is the key to handling vulnerability, and if comfort with vulnerability is the key to feeling worthiness, then learning to find joy in uncertainty is the first step in feeling worthy of love.

There are only a few absolute certainties in any of our lives and we, on a personal level, are the only ones who are going to experience them. Finding, the changes in our thinking patterns is the key to becoming accepting of ourselves and of love from other people. Try letting yourself not waste any more time over things that have happened in your past, try the same as the suggestion above – giving a name that you can swear at – every time those thoughts start to surface, absolutely refuse to let them waste any more time affecting the current moment and the future. They weigh you down, they affect your emotions and mental health, they stop you from getting on with the stuff that you really know you want to do.

Breathe deeply whilst you are throwing out the negative voice, allow yourself to ponder on the good positive people around you and disregard the rest. Find something that you love (in my case its some ancient oak trees that I call magic trees), when that inner voice starts whispering, replace that thought with the thing that you love and makes you happy. Keep at it, it takes a while to retrain your brain but it really does work.

And please remember, that everyone, no matter who they are, perceives everything differently; this is so important to remember, it affects responses, emotions and purposeful lives. You are free and you can choose.

Bailey 2014

 

 

 

 

 

Why I started minimising my stuff

Posted on 28 September, 2016 at 6:10 Comments comments (0)


Why I started minimising my stuff

 

Right now it seems that minimalism is becoming very popular. It’s a great thing to have a free space in your home, or hopefully, your whole home. Minimalism through de-cluttering and living a simpler life really does make for a more simplistic lifestyle, leaving time to concentrate on the important things (friends, family and experience). For some people though, the thought of going through all their ‘stuff’ is intimidating and a bit scary. I have been practising living a minimalist lifestyle for just over a year now.

 

At first it was hard, our society has an ingrained culture to consume and buy more, the sheer number of bargain shops opening up are tempting us to refill our empty spaces with even more stuff. I would set off on regular occasions to buy an item such as toilet paper and come home with that, BUT also some bunting, some notepads (didn’t need them, just liked them), a few packets of pens, some sign things to hang in the garden, some make up or face cream that I would never actually use… you getting the picture? The one where you can’t actually close a drawer with ease because there is too much stuff. I can never understand why I bought eight pairs of extra-long shoe laces when none of my usual shoes don’t have laces and my walking boots are unlikely to need a pair for many years to come.

 

When I moved back from living abroad, I arrived with three suitcases. Somehow within four years I had accumulated so much stuff that it took two big vans to move from our last house to the current one. The sheer amount of hard work and frustration involved in packing, moving, unloading and putting the ‘stuff’ somewhere seemed quite normal. For a year I had boxes stacked up in outbuildings, always irritating me whenever I stepped into the buildings, but I just thought I’d find space somewhere someday.

 

One rather un-seasonally cold day left me thinking about why I had so much ‘stuff’. There were five big suitcases of clothes and literally fifty boxes of things that I wasn’t quite sure what was where. I decided to have a bit of a sort out and it was only two hours in, when I was disheartened and looking at an array of items resembling a jumble sale, I made a decision to say goodbye.

 

The thing is, in our part of the world, stuff is so easy to accumulate, we are rarely either twenty minutes or twenty miles from a shop that we can repurchase if necessary.

 

Did I really need ten pairs of trousers suitable for going to work in an office as a professional? (I run a minimalism and counselling practice from home – http://www.maholochi.com). Did I also need a huge collection of tee shirts, shorts and jeans that I had lugged from one place to the next for the last fourteen years? Or the huge collection of shoes that are suitable for posh do’s etc – seventeen pairs). Obviously the answer is a big fat no. Brought even more to the forefront when I tried on some of those smart trousers and found that either they had shrunk or I had grown a size.

 

I am not going to say that it didn’t hurt me to get rid of the ‘stuff’. Not physically hurt, but I had always been a fan of ‘just in case’ and ‘I can make that old dress and other material bits and pieces into something’. Something has never actually happened, although I did buy a sewing machine but broke the needle and haven’t ever replaced it yet! I have found a lot of my clients have similar ‘stashes’, but as they haven’t moved home as often as I had, it didn’t seem such a problem.

 

I set myself a task to spend one hour per day sorting and organising my home made jumble sale.

 

This was important to me, because the thought of sitting amongst my stuff often finds me daydreaming and edging towards the kitchen to make more coffee. However, I was not going to be dissuaded. I decided to start with the clothes, picking either tops, trousers or coats and not stopping within the hour to procrastinate. It worked! Suddenly I had big bags full of things that I could donate to charity – or sell – whatever works best for you. The first one-hour session actually left me with lots of energy and enthusiasm to do more. The next hour was spent sorting out tops and skirts, with just a couple in the save pile. I was unstoppable.

 

Over the next few weeks, I carried on with my relentless decluttering and found a change in my brain pattern when going anywhere near any shop – suddenly everything looked so unappealing unless it was of important practical use. The thought of polluting my clear space with loads more items and, of environmentally friendly ways of disposing of the packaging, really stopped me in my tracks.

 

I still, to this day, make regular sweeps of the house, trying to look out for things that I am continually putting away but never really using. I have found that the space brings me a calmer frame of mind and everything here has a place to go, otherwise it’s on its way.

 

What I noticed, and continue to notice, is the lovely excited feeling in my stomach when I have successfully finished clearing and de-cluttering an area, doesn’t matter if it’s the garage, a chest of drawers or the kitchen – a tidy space creates a tidy mind.

 

I have lots of ways that I work with clients to start de-cluttering, but here are my five steps to start practising minimalism – and by minimalism, I mean keeping all those things that are truly sentimental, useful or necessary:

 

Do: Set yourself a time limit.

Do: Set yourself a targeted area – chest of drawers, kitchen cupboard, shoe cupboard etc.

Don’t give up.

Don’t leave the items you have decided to part with just sitting in a box or bag – make the effort and take it to the Charity shop or find out if they will collect.

Do: Really consider what each item brings to your life – if its good, keep it, if it’s an item that is continually in your way and never used – say goodbye.

 

 

I am continually taking on new clients and have great pride in their commitment to make a clearer and positive change in their lives. If we think about the environment, the ethics and the accountability we each have to preserving our personal wellbeing and the world around us, it gives a clearer process to minimalizing our stuff and setting our intentions to living positively, with time to enjoy experiences and our loved ones, rather than working to survive in order to buy more things to impress people, who often don’t even notice.

 

Enjoy experiences – Live life fully – Take care of yourself.

 

 

Hazel x

 

http://www.maholochi.com

How to stop buying stuff that you really do not need.

Posted on 28 September, 2016 at 6:10 Comments comments (0)


How to stop buying stuff that you really do not need.

 

The act of shopping as a leisure activity and consumerism as a mindset is a nasty habit, one that you don’t realise you have until you actually think about it and try not to buy things. The jam making labels and new jam jars, the pair of trousers that will be perfect when you’ve lost 7lbs and aren’t on a diet but are a super bargain… you get the picture.

 

An interesting fact finding mission is to put all the receipts for everything you buy into a box and then have a look at a later date. How many non necessary items did you buy and how much did that all add up to. Its incredible how £6 and £8 add up when spent on a regular basis. I bet that if you actually analyised all the items, you’d be horrified and the realisation that you could actually probably have bought that coveted and needed item (in my case a fridge) if you hadn’t let your money literally dissappear into the open mouths of the shops. All that money gone forever in a circle of consumerism that you don’t realise you have.

If you take a look around car boot sales, you’ll notice how much of the very stuff we buy, ends up back for sale or put out at bin day – filling our lovely world with more and more unwanted cheap stuff thats been shipped in from a far away country.

The advertising and mind set of ‘its only a few pounds’ or ‘ its a bargain’ is making us poor. All that stuff is making our homes into storage areas, cupboards, kitchens, wardrobes, drawers and outbuildings full of our bargains that we will use ‘one day’. As a general rule, we can’t help ourselves and its out of control.

 

 

Focus on the money

 

Really pay attention to your finances after a couple weeks of implementing the changes below. You will suddenly have more money. Minimalism can cure the pay day-to-pay day lifestyle, help you pay off debt, and once you see these positive results, it’s a snowball effect. It’ll just keep rolling into other areas of your finances. Just for getting rid of the things you didn’t need anyway, and breaking the habit of buying and getting drawn into bargains..

 

So, what can be do about it? Simple in essence: STOP buying stuff we don’t need and take responsibility for where our hard earned money actually goes. Its all very well saying how much you wanted to go on holiday but never have any money – check out those receipts and you will probably see that you could actually be in your ideal destination. Being more purposeful will bring benefits to everyone, including you.

 

Its no big secret that marketing experts know how our brains work, they understand phrases, colours, smells and sounds that entice us. Whilst I do not want you all to walk around feeling under sensory attack by the marketeers, it is purposeful to be aware, making a target for the things you need rather than a slow amble around the thousands of do not need items. Deodrant and cleaning products are not in the home section.

 

When you’ve spent so long de-cluttering your unwanted stuff, do not go and rebuy even more stuff to fill your lovely clean and clear areas. Try and start to only shop right after you’ve had a good clear out.

If you’ve just spent your morning purging the hallway cupboard, throwing away random things you didn’t even know you had and certainly never needed, you are way less likely to pick up something new of the same value during your weekly or daily run to the shop.

 

Speaking of purging, there are a few things you can do during a decluttering session to help yourself break the habit of buying. Take inventory of the stuff in the area you’re decluttering. Separate your things into categories –

 

Crap – this is totally pointless for your life, and you don’t even have a good reason for purchasing it.

 

Want – you bought this item because you wanted it, but you don’t need it.

 

Sometimes need – you only need this item from time to time, but if the time came for it to be used, you would need it and not be able to get by without it.

 

 

 

Need – you need this item and you use it daily or weekly.

 

Ask yourself the big three questions I always talk about for the items in your “sometimes need” and “want” piles.

 

When was the last time I used this item?

When will I use this again?

Does this add to my life in a positive way? Does it bring me joy?

 

If the answer is no or anytime over six months, get rid of it.

 

Once you have your things sorted into piles and you know what you’re not keeping, get a piece of paper, a pen, and calculate about how much money you probably spent on each item. Add it up. Lesson learned, the painful way.

 

I want you to write down all the things that make you really happy. What are the big joys in your life? I think it’s a safe bet to say most, if not all of them aren’t things you can buy (except coffee because, I mean come on it’s coffee). Remember this feeling. Keep perspective. Be purposeful.

 

 

Ask yourself the following questions when shopping:

 

Is this a planned purchase?

 

Would this ever end up in the “crap” pile next time I purge?

 

Where am I going to put this?

 

Is there room in my budget for this?

 

Why do I want/need this item?

 

Avoid impulsive buying by asking yourself those questions. Impulse buying is how we all get caught. This may seem unnecessary, silly, or a little extreme, but think about it… consuming things has become a habit. A lot of people actually get addicted to purchasing new things, so this is serious. Even the most ‘normal’ of us have to re-train our brains to not consume things we don’t truly need.

 

After you’ve read this, give it some thought. When you’re ready, go and have a look at the back of the wardrobe or wherever you put your bargain/impulse buying items and check out how much is unused, unwanted, or you don’t even remember buying it.

 

Part of my work involves helping people overcome addictions, remember we all get caught up in the moment sometimes, but if you do need help, contact me through the contact form on http://www.maholochi.com

Bailey 2014

About Maholochi and Welcome

Posted on 28 September, 2016 at 6:05 Comments comments (0)


Welcome to Maholochi.

I run an independent, private practice, offering confidential and discreet therapy to people with mental health issues, relationship difficulties and stress and anxiety. I also offer support and active listening to individuals who are leaving high control religions and feel confused and lost on exiting.

 

My passions include wellbeing, health, nutrition and minimalism, in no particular order – all are important for our overall positive living.

 

I am happy that you have taken time to read my posts and look forward to hearing your comments. My website is http://www.maholochi.com – at this precise moment there are pages being updated and due to rather bad weather, we have very little internet connection for at least a week! Bear with me.

 

I will update the blog on the maholochi.com website and via my Facebook pages, do please take a look at give me a like if you do like what I am doing. You can find:

 

Maholochi: https://www.facebook.com/Maholochi/?ref=bookmarks

 

Maholochi Relationship Recovery: https://www.facebook.com/Maholochi-Relationship-Recovery-239052609764566/?fref=ts

 

Maholochi Minimalism: https://www.facebook.com/Maholochi-Minimalism-246444752421887/?ref=br_rs

 

Maholochi Active Listening: https://www.facebook.com/Maholochi-Active-Listening-Therapy-1504825523179509/?fref=ts

 

Maholochi Weight and Wellness: https://www.facebook.com/Maholochi-Weight-and-Wellness-621407948020357/?fref=ts

 

Maholochi Coaching: https://www.facebook.com/Maholochi-Coaching-1797766303785825/?fref=ts

 

Maholochi Yoga and Martial Arts: https://www.facebook.com/Maholochi-Yoga-and-Martial-Arts-825246837610812/?fref=ts

 

Thank you again and I hope to hear from you.

Water - are you hydrated?

Posted on 31 March, 2015 at 13:05 Comments comments (0)



We all know that as part of a healthy and balanced diet, consuming enough water is a must. But along with exercise, avoiding different foods and calorie counting it can be hard to really monitor or even pay attention to the amount of water we drink. Maholochi reccomend  that everyone understands the benefits of drinking water and the serious health implications that are involved when we simply don't consume enough. So stop guessing if that single glass of squash is enough and start paying attention to your body's hydration.


1. Helps To Get Rid Of Waste Products

Your kidneys are constantly working to sift out any waste and transport urine to the bladder. In turn your kidneys require enough water to help produce blood and flush all of the toxins out.

2. Helps With Calorie Control

Drinking enough water makes you feel more full contributing to a reduced appetite. This in turn means that you consume less food throughout the day. A great diet tip.

3. Fuels Muscles

Throughout the day and particularly during exercise, your muscles lose water making them feel tired and contributing to that feeling of fatigue. By replenishing their water regularly you can keep going for longer.

4. Aids The Digestive Transit

Drinking more water adds fluid to the colon, helping your bowels to move more freely. This can also help to prevent constipation.

5. Controls Your Body Temperature

During exercise and on particularly hot days, drinking water helps to regulate your body temperature reducing the feeling of nausea and headaches.

6. Transports Nutrients

Drinking more water helps transport essential nutrients around the body meaning that you get the most out of your diet.

How Much Water Should You Drink?

How much water you should consume during a day is constantly up for debate. Depending on your size, weight, health and daily activities the amount of water you drink will vary. The general guideline is about 2 litres of water a day, although many choose to drink much more. It is also vital to understand that your overall water intake isn't just calculated by how much you drink. Fruits and vegetables also contain water which contribute to your daily intake. The overall advice for everyone is to drink enough until you fell satisfied and your urine is a pale yellow colour.

How To Tell If You Are Dehydrated

Dehydration occurs when your body experiences a greater loss of water than usual. This can be from sweating, drinking alcohol or being ill and if you are experiencing extreme dehydration you must contact a doctor immediately. Signs of mild dehydration can be mood swings, feeling tired, dry lips and feeling thirsty. This can be treated by slowing increasing the level of water and generally sipping fluids. Beware not to drink too much water at a time as this can make you feel sick resulting in more water loss. In order to keep on track of your hydration make sure that your thirst is always quenched and that your urine stays a light colour and is regular.

Just like ensuring that your body consumes enough food for fuel, staying hydrated can be made easy just by following these simple tips.

Carry a bottle of water with you everywhere and keep it topped up.

Include more fruits and vegetables in your diet as a natural water source.

If you aren't keen on the taste of water, add a few coconut water ice cubes for a sweeter edge.

Drink water before you exercise, during and after.

These small changes can put you back on track for a healthy, hydrated and happy lifestyle.

www.maholochi.com  - Find us on facebook and wordpress. ( https://maholochicom.wordpress.com/

Sugar - reasons to quit.

Posted on 31 March, 2015 at 4:15 Comments comments (0)


1. Sugar isn’t food, it provides calories but has low nutritional value and your body doesn't need it to survive.

2. Sugar is loaded with calories, these calories are often stored on your body as fat.

3. Sugar increases anxiety, there is a real connection between the amount of sugar in your body and anxiety and depression.

4. Sugar causes diabetes, increase heart and kidney disease.  Excess sugar hinders the pancreas's ability to function properly.

5. Sugar slowly wears down your teeth, it can wear down the enamel on teeth and cause cavities.

6. Sugar hinders the immune system - making you more susceptible to colds, spots and illnesses.

7. Sugar creates wrinkles when eaten in high amounts.  Sugar destroys collagen

8. Sugar upsets the mineral relationships that take place in your body.

9. Sugar causes imbalances with your body’s enzymes.

10. Sugar can weaken your tendons.

11. Sugar can cause hormonal imbalance.  For example, increased estriogen in men.  Sugar aggrevates PMS in women.

12. Sugar increases your blood pressure.

13. Too much sugar damages the pancreas over time.


www.maholochi.com




 

 

Ten hints to take back control of your life

Posted on 31 March, 2015 at 0:45 Comments comments (0)


Ten ways to help take back control of your life... 

If you had to relive your life all over again, would you want to? 'Would you advise a son or daughter to conform and expect little, or to soar and travel as far as the would like?

Many people believe that lifes just happens to them and they have little control over it all, but you can take ownership of your reality and mould it based on your main thoughts and focus.  If you have felt frustrated or unhappy with the direction your life is going in, these ten tips could help you change your life - starting TODAY.

  • 1.  Understand that life is not happening to you - it is responding to you.

Start to cultivate positive thoughts so you can create a higher quality life.  The energy that you give off begins with your own mind, positive thoughts and actions will start seeing positive things happen (and vice versa).  We are cruel to  ourselves, our internal talk is often very negative and this really does have a bearing on us.  You make your reality based on what you repeatedly think,  so be positive.

  • 2.  Never give your power away to anything outside of You.

Many of us find it more convenient to place blame on things or people outside of ourselves.  If we don't like our job, we blame the boss, if we catch a cold, we blame it on someone else and not our immune system.  Become aware of how many times a day a blame thought comes into your brain - then try to turn it around.  Taking ownership of thoughts makes a big difference.

  • 3.  Listen to your heart.

Opinions of others about directions you should take with your life are only their thoughts projected onto you.  You know your own heart better than anyone else, don't let anyone dictate your life.  The only way to live a purposeful life is through your own heart and passion - so start listening to your own self.

  • 4.  Learn to say no to things.

Taking charge of your life means getting honest with yourself about all aspects of your life.  Saying NO takes practice, yet brings such a feeling of calm and power - and, this will surprise you - people respect you more for not being taken advantage of.

  • 5. Take charge of your own health.

As long as you have your health, you have everything. Make a pact with yourself to practice a healthier, more wholesome lifestyle that includes lots of raw fruits and vegetables, clean, fresh water, adequate sleep, and moderate exercise. By making small changes each day, you can transform your health and consequently increase your vitality and happiness. Honour your body and choose foods and drinks that will give you life.

  • 6. Look for a new job if it makes you unhappy.

None of us came here just to pay bills and taxes; we came here to change the world. If your job makes you feel like just another cog in the wheel and doesn’t allow you to follow your true purpose, don’t think twice about leaving it behind. While we do live in a monetary system where we must pay to survive at the moment, plenty of people have created their own jobs that support their highest mission. With a little elbow grease and commitment, you can do this too – think about how liberating it would feel to do something you love and still get paid for it.

  • 7. Forget about 'normal'.

If you really want to take command of your life, you will have to get comfortable with living to the beat of your own drum. Too many people fall in line just because it feels safe, not because it feels right. They fear others judging them, and don’t want to become alienated or ridiculed. However, even if the uncharted path seems lonely at first, you will never know what lies ahead if you never make the journey. Create your life on your terms and don’t worry what others think – you didn’t come here to blend in, you were born to stand out!

  • 8. Do more of what makes you happy.

Many people shy away from new opportunities or activities because they fear failure. Or, they live in fear of what others think. However, both of these fears can feel like prison if you allow them to stand in the way of things that really make you happy. The longer you wonder about the outcome, the more time you waste ruminating instead of living. Living intentionally means taking charge of your own happiness, so take action and start following your bliss.

  • 9. Live within your means and clear out your clutter!

This one can totally renovate your life because you will have to look at what you truly need to survive…do you really need to go shopping for new clothes every week? Do you absolutely need that new iPhone, or can you still use the one you currently have? Many people spend way more than they earn and then feel stressed because of their subsequent financial situations. Sell what you don’t really need, and only buy things that add to your well-being.  Set a day when you are home and go through your home, one room at a time, if objects aren't useful or sentimental, are they actually needed?  Clean, clear and fresh brings clarity to your mind.

  • 10. Become more mindful/purposeful

Meditation can greatly help with this; becoming more aware of yourself and the universe will teach you to take full responsibility for yourself and what happens to you. It will give you more discipline and mental strength, and take you out of the habit of living on autopilot. As the master of your reality, you must take full responsibility for the quality of life you lead. Cultivating more awareness and purposefulness will allow you to move into a space of actively creating your life instead of watching passively from the sidelines.


Bailey 2015


www.maholochi.com



 


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